Megan Atwood |
Getting
published is great! I've heard. I mean, I've gotten things published . . . just not exactly the project I WANT to get
published. Not my SOUL novel. That is with my agent right now after years of
writing it--and I feel super lucky to have gotten this far even.
And
anxious. And inadequate. And way, way, way far behind. Did I mention anxious?
So,
this is the time where I must remind myself that while getting multiple books
published would be lovely, it's sort of beside the point. Being a part of this
community is seductive. It's wonderful to participate in the tweets and the
Facebook posts and the Tumblrs and the railing against those who love to
besmirch children's books (which must happen, this railing, since this besmirching
seems to happen all the time) and to go to meet ups and readings and talk to
others who are getting published. And it’s easy to believe this is the heart of
the matter. After all, we have the smartest, most engaged, most awesomest
community of writers in the history of the world*. These are soul-satisfying
people, posts, talks. But it's not the rub, my friends.
The
writing's the thing.
This
is true no matter what phase you are in. There is always something to be
anxious about in our business. Getting published, getting reviews, getting
sales, getting on lists, getting recognition. At each stage, the noise of the
outside can be overwhelming. So I am here to tell you: it doesn't matter. None
of it. It doesn't! No matter what stage you’re in or what manner of anxiety
chases you, it just doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you are a writer.
You write. Because you have something to say. You write what you love because
that's the only truth there is.
I
can hear your argument, so let me address it. You say, "But Megan, getting
published, getting reviews, getting sales, getting on lists, getting
recognition has real-world consequences." And you are correct. These
things can affect getting jobs, getting your next book published, meeting the "right"
people, feeling like an insider. But when those worries start crowding out your
ideas, whither the writer in you. Nothing dries up ideas and joy like pressure
and fear. You are no longer doing YOU when this happens. You become the sum of
what these worries are, something out of your control, capricious, and unstable**.
So you must always come back to the heart of the matter, the ACTUAL reason
you're enduring this blogpost, or going to readings, Tumbling, and tweeting.
The
writing. From your soul. The story that sings to you.
Normally,
I am not a kumbaya person. I don’t like to throw around ambiguous words like
“soul” or “heart” or “writer.” And I feel a little bit like the writer version
of Cosmopolitan here where I say
“Have confidence and certain publisher will notice you! Be yourself so you can
get something out of it!” But I don’t mean it that way. I mean it as in: at the
end of the day, it’s you and your words.
I
went to Hamline because I wanted to teach writing. And in the process, I became
a writer. But not because I have 45 publishing contracts. Because I found out
this is something I love to do. That honing this craft gives ME pleasure, feeds
MY soul. I am thrilled that I have an agent now and I hope to hell that this
book sells. But if it doesn’t, I am OK with that.
Because:
The writing’s the thing.
Now
stop reading this and go write! You have a story to tell.
*
This is a true, undeniable fact that needs no source because it is true and
undeniable.
**
Lists, starred reviews, and awards are lovely. But so much depends upon the red
wheelbarrow—that is, the million different considerations that go into these
things and coalesce around timing, luck, status, and hard work. But not in
equal measure. I am certainly not trying to take away from these things. It’s
just . . . they aren’t why you’re here, right?
*
Megan Atwood is a 2009 graduate of the Hamline MFAC program and the author of several books. She is also an adjunct in Hamline's Creative Writing program. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota.