Alumni Voices with Janel Kolby: Get Lost

Have you ever purposefully got yourself lost? Stepped onto a road you’ve never stepped before? Drove aimlessly without a GPS? Walked into the woods without a compass?

I was reckless. In high school, I’d get up in the middle of class and leave to walk home eight miles away. Not because I was bullied or ostracized. I had friends who understood me, good grades, and a teacher who made a difference. I left because I couldn’t sit in that same chair anymore doing the same predictable questions and answers and structured reading exercises while the same subtle meanness and flirtations darted around us. My choice was to leave or explode. So I left.

The first time I wasn’t sure how to get home. I knew the general direction, and was confident if I headed that way I’d eventually find a familiar street. I didn’t worry. I sang songs out loud. I made up poetry about flowers and weeds. I saw houses I’d never seen, shops I’d never noticed, interesting people, and I made stories from them. I skipped. I ran. I leaped across puddles and challenged myself to jump bigger ones. And I did find my way—even though it was cold and dark when I walked up our driveway. This wandering became addictive. Whenever I was too comfortable with my route, I’d change it. Sometimes I’d get lost. Once I found myself in a giant dirt pit, and a man in a hard hat yelled at me until he realized I was really lost, and he pointed the easiest way out. I had to crawl out on my hands and knees, clinging to fistfuls of earth. I was filthy and my pants were torn when I got home, but I got home. At church camp, I’d walk away from the organized activities into the woods until I didn’t recognize anything, then I’d sit against a tree and watch life happen—from tiny insects to the enormous sky. When I learned to drive, I explored greater distances, and took bigger chances to the extent my car once burst into flames.

I haven’t wandered in a while. Not like that.

Instead, I get lost in first drafts. From experience, the only way to keep myself excited and interested is to walk away from what I think I know. The woods might be dark with strange creatures hiding, but I want to go there. The path ahead might not be one path—it might be infinite, ridiculous paths crisscrossing each other, but I’m going to step out on one. The people I see may be those I’ve never encountered, but I’m going to talk to them. If I’m dirty and torn at the end, if I’ve made mistakes, so be it. However I head out, I know I’ll make my way to an end.

Revision is when I turn on the GPS, take out my phone or my compass. But not until that point. Because what sort of fun would that be if I already knew the way? I choose to stay reckless.

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Janel Kolby is a January 2015 graduate of the Hamline MFAC program. She lives in Washington state.

Meet the Grad: Janel Kolby

On January 18, 2015, on the final day of the upcoming residency, the MFAC program will have a Graduate Recognition ceremony, honoring the men and women who have just completed their studies and will receive an MFA from Hamline University. Between now and residency we'll be posting interviews with many of the grads. Janel Kolby is today's grad; she lives in Seattle, Washington and can also be found on Twitter: @JanelKolby.

Janel

What do you do when you’re not working on packets?

I try my best to be a good mom, a good partner, and a good friend. Sometimes it works. When it doesn’t, I could be reading or pondering an aspect of a story, and wouldn’t notice if you threw pennies at my head. My other profession is in software as a program manager.

How did you hear about the Hamline MFAC Program?

I attended a three-day SCBWI workshop in Washington in which Anne Ursu and [editor] Jordan Brown were the speakers. Anne talked about a magical place and her magical friends that turned out not to be in her imagination. Lucky for me.

What was your writing experience prior to entering the program?

Writing poems and stories are some of my earliest memories, and I never stopped writing. I didn’t know anyone as strange as that, and I kept that part of myself hidden from everyone but family. I couldn’t fool my family. As I got older and grew confidence, I began to accept how much happiness I receive from writing, and that it’s as much my future as it has been my past. About four years ago, I took the last novel I had written and tried to get it published. I received some responses to read the entire manuscript, but was ultimately rejected. That’s when I knew I needed help. I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed to learn more about my craft and the industry.

What do especially remember about your first residency?

I remember being embraced—by the staff, the alums, and almost everyone in the program. I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting to be the odd ball again, and find myself a corner between lectures where I could turn inward. I was already scouting out those corners when I first entered the hall. I didn’t know I would meet some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I didn’t know Hamline was where I would find the support I needed to write.

Have you focused on any one form (PB, novel, nonfiction; graphic novel) or age group in your writing? Tried a form you never thought you’d try?

I have primarily focused on MG and YA fiction. I tried out some picture books, and managed to create a passable one, but it’s not a strength yet.

Tell us about your Creative Thesis.

RAIN lives on the outskirts of Seattle in a dangerous, wooded area known as The Jungle. She has lived there since she was six in a tent with her dad, and with KING, her only friend aside from the towering trees and woodland animals who she believes talk to her. She views herself as a type of ghost, since she has been taught to live as if she were invisible.

After reading The Little Mermaid, Rain has an idea to see the outside world on her next birthday, her thirteenth. Her dad reluctantly agrees for her to go, but for only one day.

The world is not as she expected, and proves to be more dangerous than staying in her tent. As King tries to protect her from a gang in his past, Rain and he become separated. There are a million things she doesn’t know, but she is stronger than she thinks, and in the end she must choose: to act upon her future or disappear as a ghost forever.

What changes have you seen in your writing during your studies?

Confidence and clarity. I have a greater sense about why I write; I now have the skills to pull together a coherent story; and am better equipped to manage the bits that make me unique. 

With packet deadlines removed as an incentive, do you anticipate it will be harder to keep writing? Any plans for your post-Hamline writing life?

I plan to actively participate in workshops and conferences in the writing community to drive the incentives for my next deadlines.

Any thoughts for entering students or for people considering the program?Many times in the program I questioned whether I deserved to be at Hamline—to consider myself a writer. I know I’ll question whether I deserve to be an alum, and again, a writer. I can deal with that as long as I keep writing and have my Hamline friends.

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The public is welcome to attend the graduate recognition ceremony on Sunday, January 18, 3:30pm, (Anne Simley Theatre, Drew Fine Arts Building). Linda Sue Park is the speaker.